Thinking

Quite a few things have happened in the past few weeks that have me thinking about my life and my future.

1) DH leaves in two weeks for another trip.  This will be his third since I gave my ultimatum.   I can't ignore it any more.  He has gotten away with it twice now.  I let others and my fear stop me from doing what I need to do.  I already know he's going to lie about the trip money.  He has done it each time since last year.  I think a year is long enough to at least show some change.  He has shown none and still lies about things.  I've also discovered that he has dipped into his tooth money that he swore he needed.  

2) Things going on with my adult children.  Too much to go into right now, but it is making my decision to leave this state very difficult.

3) A group that I have been a part of for years went a bit haywire and split into several groups.  I have all the threads that were posted.  After rereading each one, I realized that one person kind of pushed the issue to a boiling point of sorts.  One of those who appear to be that person's close friend jumped in and helped.  Assumptions were made.  Accusations were thrown.  Many didn't even bother hearing all sides of the issue before they stomped off in anger over an issue that really didn't exist to begin with.   At least, it didn't exist in the way they took it.

  My problem is that if a group of supposedly Christian women can't "forgive" each other and work out differences - what hope is there for the group as a whole?   As far as I know, the one group is now split into 3-4 groups.  I wasn't asked if I wanted to be a part of the second group.  I was just added.   I felt like I was being dragged into something I didn't want a part of.  Hurt feelings were had by people who weren't included in the "mass add" to the second group.  Splitting the group caused hard/hurt feelings all the way around along with confusion.  

  The whole thing doesn't make sense to me, because the same people are in both groups.  Why even bother with the second group?  They say it's an "uncensored" group.  So was the first one despite the assumptions made.   I pray for them all to reconcile, but it seems like the actual people who started the split will not let that happen.  I am seriously considering leaving the entire group.  It is no longer is what it used to be.   


4) Illnesses hitting from various fronts.  My eldest daughter keeps going into premature labor.  She's far enough along now to let it happen, but the baby isn't handling labor well and keeps going into distress.  For now, she will remain on the medication to stop it.  The dog's illness cost me $900 total.  The vet finally figured out what it was by process of elimination.  I need to change some things in my lifestyle for my own health which I won't get into.  My son at boot camp may be medically discharged.  That would crush him emotionally.  The list goes on and on.


5)  Something needs to be done with the house.   At this point, I am only going to fix things in order to sell it.  No matter what I am not keeping it.  No way do I want to live here for the rest of my life.

I have a lot of thinking and planning to do.  I think the hardest part will be having to leave my grandchildren behind when I move to another state.   My biggest concern is my 7 yo grandson.  He has gone through a lot in the past couple of years, and this could really hurt him.