I have been quite sick the past week. I can't remember the last time I was this sick. Thankfully, I seem to be slowly improving. Because of this, I haven't really been paying attention to DH and what he's doing.
Today I asked if he's done the taxes, and I was told "No."
"When do you think you'll get to them?"
"I don't know."
I reminded him that the mini van needed the yearly inspection that is required by our state. I'm 90% positive we'll be told we need new tires. The two front tires keep losing air, and when I check all 4, the tread was very low. That will be expensive. I told him weeks ago that we would probably need the tax return to pay for them. I gave him the papers he needed to do it.
What has he been doing? Playing Age of Empires on his pc. I understand he works long hours. I understand he wants downtime. However, I let him know about the car literally at the beginning of the year. It's almost March. The inspection has to be done by the end of March, or the car will be illegal to drive.
The other night, the rest of the family went to get some food and pick up our youngest who works at McDonalds. A gas station is literally attached to the McDonald's. I asked DH if the gas station where they were going had air machines. He asked, "Why?" I said the tires were low again and needed air. I said I didn't want the kids driving the car with the tires that low.
Today I looked out the window to check the weather and noticed the two front tires looked the same. Questioning the kids, who were with him, revealed he didn't even check for the air machines. It also revealed, from my son, that yes air machines do exist at that gas station. DH didn't do anything at all with the tires. The cars have always been his thing. He is the one who puts air in the tires when they need it.
Our kids are currently driving that car until I can get the "kid" car fixed (It goes in Friday). We live on a hill. The cars can have issues getting up the hill in bad winter weather. Our road freezes. The tires need to be at full pressure. I've been sick. I've never filled the tires in the entire time we've been married.
I'm not annoyed that he didn't listen to me. I'm annoyed that he knows the kids are using that car. He saw the tires. He was at the air machines. Yet he did nothing. I keep asking myself, "Am I overreacting by being upset that he didn't think of the kids' safety?"
I don't know if I am or not, but really - I am annoyed that he didn't think of the kids safety and fill the tires.
I have no idea how to do it, but I'll give it a shot when I take the youngest to work tomorrow.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Word of Wisdom for the Day
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Sometimes nothing can take the place of a good, old fashioned scream. A pure animalistic release that will, hopefully, keep one from strangling someone.
Sometimes nothing can take the place of a good, old fashioned scream. A pure animalistic release that will, hopefully, keep one from strangling someone.
Random Acts of Sadness
Out of all the places to have a random act of sadness, the toilet wasn't one place I'd expect. Though, if one thinks about it, it is a very convenient place to have one. You're in a quiet place, you have plenty of tissue, and the trash is right there. Upon exiting the bathroom, if someone questions your reddish eyes, you can exclaim, "Man, I should not have eaten that chili!" It really is the perfect place.
Yes, that happened to me last night. Not the chili part. Just the random act of sadness part. I didn't feel anything. I wasn't thinking of anything. I wasn't making any noise other than the normal sounds of a bathroom visit.
I simply realized my face was wet. Tears were racing each other to the lower jaw finish line. I don't know why. When I realized it, I berated myself over something so silly. I had no reason to be crying or sad. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back - no reason for me to be sad. Or so I told myself.
Sometimes our bodies do what they need to do whether we agree or not. Mine apparently felt the need to leak salt water all over the place. I still don't know why.
Yes, that happened to me last night. Not the chili part. Just the random act of sadness part. I didn't feel anything. I wasn't thinking of anything. I wasn't making any noise other than the normal sounds of a bathroom visit.
I simply realized my face was wet. Tears were racing each other to the lower jaw finish line. I don't know why. When I realized it, I berated myself over something so silly. I had no reason to be crying or sad. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back - no reason for me to be sad. Or so I told myself.
Sometimes our bodies do what they need to do whether we agree or not. Mine apparently felt the need to leak salt water all over the place. I still don't know why.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Food, Friends and Frustration
I have friends who care about me. No idea why they do, but they do. When they found out I was MSG (and other excitotoxins) sensitive they tried to be helpful by sending me healthy recipe sites. I appreciate their thoughtfulness. I really do. A few really good recipes were found.
Some of the sites had recipes I could use by tweaking an ingredient or two. Other sites... not so much. One site in particular, written by a dietitian no less, was one of the worst. One recipe in particular had enough excitotoxins in it to land me in the hospital. I think what bugged me is that it was listed as a "healthy" website. By the time I was done reading the ingredients list of the ingredients I was feeling sick.
I don't blame my friends for the "bad" sites. I am grateful they care enough to take the time to look. I am thankful they thought about me when looking at recipes. Maybe one day I'll take the time to redo the "bad" recipes into something people like me can actually eat.
Another online friend writes a "foodie" blog. She has several recipes that I'd love to make. She has a cake recipe I'd love to try, but I can't. It uses soda, and I can't have commercial soda. Eventually, I will attempt to make soda from scratch and give it a shot. Today is not that day.
One friend suggested I start writing down recipes on this blog, but I'm really not a "foodie". In fact, I hate to cook. If I could hire a personal cook, I would. My two main cookbooks are Nourishing Traditions and an older version of a Betty Crocker cookbook. I have one MSG Free cookbook, but it isn't very good. The food is very bland.
I don't think people really grasp how far the arm of excitotoxins can be. Literally everything I can eat needs to be made from scratch and organic. I have yet to find a ketchup I can have. The closest I can find is Annie's Organic Ketchup, but it has an "iffy" ingredient. This isn't too much of a problem, since I don't normally use condiments. I use it to make barbecue sauce, but I really should be making ketchup from scratch.
We used to let the kids pick one meal to eat out for their birthdays. I can't do that anymore. Well, I can but I wouldn't get to eat. They are very understanding, and they don't want to go out if I can't go. I know my health will be better in the end, but it is still frustrating. My grocery budget has tripled which really hurts financially. I find myself slipping on food just because I'm stressed or rushed, and then I am sidelined while I recover from it.
It's very frustrating to want food and not be able to have it. My diabetic friend understands so I tend to whine to him about it. It's also frustrating to try and redo how I eat and live while trying to deal with everything else.
Judging by my cold sores, I'm not doing very well in handling it all.
Some of the sites had recipes I could use by tweaking an ingredient or two. Other sites... not so much. One site in particular, written by a dietitian no less, was one of the worst. One recipe in particular had enough excitotoxins in it to land me in the hospital. I think what bugged me is that it was listed as a "healthy" website. By the time I was done reading the ingredients list of the ingredients I was feeling sick.
I don't blame my friends for the "bad" sites. I am grateful they care enough to take the time to look. I am thankful they thought about me when looking at recipes. Maybe one day I'll take the time to redo the "bad" recipes into something people like me can actually eat.
Another online friend writes a "foodie" blog. She has several recipes that I'd love to make. She has a cake recipe I'd love to try, but I can't. It uses soda, and I can't have commercial soda. Eventually, I will attempt to make soda from scratch and give it a shot. Today is not that day.
One friend suggested I start writing down recipes on this blog, but I'm really not a "foodie". In fact, I hate to cook. If I could hire a personal cook, I would. My two main cookbooks are Nourishing Traditions and an older version of a Betty Crocker cookbook. I have one MSG Free cookbook, but it isn't very good. The food is very bland.
I don't think people really grasp how far the arm of excitotoxins can be. Literally everything I can eat needs to be made from scratch and organic. I have yet to find a ketchup I can have. The closest I can find is Annie's Organic Ketchup, but it has an "iffy" ingredient. This isn't too much of a problem, since I don't normally use condiments. I use it to make barbecue sauce, but I really should be making ketchup from scratch.
We used to let the kids pick one meal to eat out for their birthdays. I can't do that anymore. Well, I can but I wouldn't get to eat. They are very understanding, and they don't want to go out if I can't go. I know my health will be better in the end, but it is still frustrating. My grocery budget has tripled which really hurts financially. I find myself slipping on food just because I'm stressed or rushed, and then I am sidelined while I recover from it.
It's very frustrating to want food and not be able to have it. My diabetic friend understands so I tend to whine to him about it. It's also frustrating to try and redo how I eat and live while trying to deal with everything else.
Judging by my cold sores, I'm not doing very well in handling it all.
Cold Sores
I hate them. They are ugly. They hurt. They cause the lymph nodes under my jaw to swell. It is caused by the Herpes Simplex 1 virus. That sounds so awful: Herpes. Unfortunately, it is a very common and highly contagious virus.
It can activate under many circumstances, such as:
Fever
Infection, colds and flu
Ultraviolet radiation, such as a sunburn
Stress
Fatigue
Changes in the immune system
Trauma
Food Allergies
Menstruation
Dental work
The main two are a cold (hence the name "cold sore") and stress. I think it goes without saying that aggravating the break-out area will make it much worse. I am under stress. I have the flu. In fact, at this point in time, I match half that list. I can't take cold medications, so my nose is raw. Prime conditions for a break-out.
I am having the worse break-out ever. I tried to be very careful blowing my nose, because I knew it would become raw. It did despite my efforts. The virus said, "Paaarrtay!" and the area under my nose went haywire. I look like Hitler. Seriously - if his mustache was red and icky looking. The front of my throat looks like a bullfrog's. The right side of my neck looks like Quasimodo's. I have never had it this bad.
The most common recommendation for healing them is up your Vitamin C and Zinc intake. Adding Echinacea to boost the immune system is also helpful. If you're stressed, you need to decrease your stress or try something to combat it like Yoga. Drinking a tea such as Chamomile or a tea made from fresh or freeze-dried Lemon Balm can help with relaxation. Placing the Lemon Balm tea bag on the cold sore will also help heal it.
My biggest problem right now is my nose is still running. I'm trying to avoid blowing it, because it just plain HURTS to do so. I can't always avoid it, so I keep either petroleum jelly or Vicks Baby Care on it to help with protecting and healing. Baby Care has Lavender added which also helps.
I have to keep my hands clean, so I don't pass it to the kids. That means I get to wash constantly and carry the bottle of anti-bacterial lotion with me. I normally don't touch anti-bacterial soaps and lotions, but this is one time I will.
I just pray it goes away quickly, I can't go anywhere with it. I'm trying to keep myself calm, but DH definitely isn't helping with that area.
It can activate under many circumstances, such as:
The main two are a cold (hence the name "cold sore") and stress. I think it goes without saying that aggravating the break-out area will make it much worse. I am under stress. I have the flu. In fact, at this point in time, I match half that list. I can't take cold medications, so my nose is raw. Prime conditions for a break-out.
I am having the worse break-out ever. I tried to be very careful blowing my nose, because I knew it would become raw. It did despite my efforts. The virus said, "Paaarrtay!" and the area under my nose went haywire. I look like Hitler. Seriously - if his mustache was red and icky looking. The front of my throat looks like a bullfrog's. The right side of my neck looks like Quasimodo's. I have never had it this bad.
The most common recommendation for healing them is up your Vitamin C and Zinc intake. Adding Echinacea to boost the immune system is also helpful. If you're stressed, you need to decrease your stress or try something to combat it like Yoga. Drinking a tea such as Chamomile or a tea made from fresh or freeze-dried Lemon Balm can help with relaxation. Placing the Lemon Balm tea bag on the cold sore will also help heal it.
My biggest problem right now is my nose is still running. I'm trying to avoid blowing it, because it just plain HURTS to do so. I can't always avoid it, so I keep either petroleum jelly or Vicks Baby Care on it to help with protecting and healing. Baby Care has Lavender added which also helps.
I have to keep my hands clean, so I don't pass it to the kids. That means I get to wash constantly and carry the bottle of anti-bacterial lotion with me. I normally don't touch anti-bacterial soaps and lotions, but this is one time I will.
I just pray it goes away quickly, I can't go anywhere with it. I'm trying to keep myself calm, but DH definitely isn't helping with that area.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Milk and Dairy
I believe that God has a reason for everything He has said. In at least 3 verses, God says you should not cook a kid in it's mother's milk.
The one thing I have the most trouble with is the Jewish/Messianic prohibition of milk and dairy. Meatloaf is not complete without milky mashed potatoes. A cheeseburger without cheese? No way!
I began to research it. The book I recommended before (Holy Cow! Does God Care About What We Eat?) touched on the subject, and the author made a couple of good points. However, just like I encourage individual research, I wanted to find out for myself.
I wanted to know why God said it. What on earth could possibly be wrong with cooking meat and milk together? Many Orthodox Jews and Messianics refuse to even have them at the same meal or on the same plates. They're not even allowed on the same table. And what about Abraham? He served God milk, curds and meat. If it's so bad, why did he do that?
I also have trouble with blind obedience to the Talmud. I understand that it was to protect the followers from accidentally going against God's commands. The Rabbis built a fence or hedge around each command to protect the people. However, I really feel they went way overboard on some things. I mean really... two sets of pots, pans and dishes?! I wish I had that much storage. That would be awesome! :D
A word study showed me that the Hebrew word used for "kid" means any livestock animal used for food. It doesn't mean just goat. Numerous resources all said the same thing. Okay, so any food meat cooked in it's mother's milk. Several reasons were cited for this.
One is that pagan festivals used cooking meat in milk for fertility rites and other things. Historically, Jewish people were to separate themselves so they were not confused with idolaters. This makes sense, but there is no way of knowing if it is the reasoning behind it.
Another is that we will never know why. God said it. We do it. When we get to Heaven we can drive Him nuts asking "Why, why, why?" over and over like a 4 year old which I fully intend to do.
I became sidetracked by the whole Soy/MSG thing. In the end, it actually answered part of my question. I learned that milk, cooked for extended periods of time or for high temperatures, will release high levels of free glutamate. It makes it's own MSG and it can cause the same reactions in MSG sensitive people. In fact, MSG sensitive people are told to avoid Ultra-Pasteurized milk products, because the pasteurization causes free glutamates as well.
But again - why meat and milk together?
Going back to Abraham, it's realized that nowhere does it say he served it together. People just assume it was. All the bible does is list what Abraham served and that he "placed it before them" and "stood by while they ate". There is no actual time frame. We know he told Sarah to make cakes, but that isn't listed. I think it's safe to assume it was also served.
It could very well be that he served curds and milk first, like an appetizer, so his guests wouldn't go hungry while waiting for the calf to be slaughtered and cooked. Sounds like something a good host would do, right? The digestion time of milk and curds isn't very long. It's an hour at most, so by the time the calf was ready, God's stomach would've been cleared of dairy, and He would've been free to eat the meat.
However, it doesn't say he didn't serve them together. To me, it's implied they were served together, but I could be wrong. It also doesn't say what God ate. Abraham put out the food and let his guest decide what he wanted, and kept them company while they ate. Also sounds like a good host, doesn't it?
The bible says "they ate". They could've eaten all of it. They could've eaten part of it. There is no way of knowing.
Again, the MSG research came into play. This time it was how foods react with each other and how food digestion works. This morning I found research that states meat needs the stomach acid to be digested properly, and that milk neutralizes it causing the meat to not digest as it should. I accidentally shut the page, and I ran out of time to find it again. I wanted to know if it was all dairy or just milk and how they came by their conclusions.
/headdesk
I'll look again tomorrow, but I wanted to write this while I was thinking about it.
I will edit this later on as I go further into my studies on this topic. The only conclusions I have for now are these:
1) The Rabbis went overboard on the separate dishes. There isn't any logical or biblical reason for it.
2) Nothing in the bible says milk and meat can't be served at the same meal. Even if God didn't eat milk and meat together, at the very least, He did eat them at the same meal.
3) At most, milk and dairy can't be cooked together. Meatloaf can't have milk added to it, but you can add milk to the side dish of mashed potatoes.
I'll write more about it another time. I needed to start dinner 20 minutes ago. At this point in time, hungry teens are definitely more dangerous than milk and dairy together.
The one thing I have the most trouble with is the Jewish/Messianic prohibition of milk and dairy. Meatloaf is not complete without milky mashed potatoes. A cheeseburger without cheese? No way!
I began to research it. The book I recommended before (Holy Cow! Does God Care About What We Eat?) touched on the subject, and the author made a couple of good points. However, just like I encourage individual research, I wanted to find out for myself.
I wanted to know why God said it. What on earth could possibly be wrong with cooking meat and milk together? Many Orthodox Jews and Messianics refuse to even have them at the same meal or on the same plates. They're not even allowed on the same table. And what about Abraham? He served God milk, curds and meat. If it's so bad, why did he do that?
I also have trouble with blind obedience to the Talmud. I understand that it was to protect the followers from accidentally going against God's commands. The Rabbis built a fence or hedge around each command to protect the people. However, I really feel they went way overboard on some things. I mean really... two sets of pots, pans and dishes?! I wish I had that much storage. That would be awesome! :D
A word study showed me that the Hebrew word used for "kid" means any livestock animal used for food. It doesn't mean just goat. Numerous resources all said the same thing. Okay, so any food meat cooked in it's mother's milk. Several reasons were cited for this.
One is that pagan festivals used cooking meat in milk for fertility rites and other things. Historically, Jewish people were to separate themselves so they were not confused with idolaters. This makes sense, but there is no way of knowing if it is the reasoning behind it.
Another is that we will never know why. God said it. We do it. When we get to Heaven we can drive Him nuts asking "Why, why, why?" over and over like a 4 year old which I fully intend to do.
I became sidetracked by the whole Soy/MSG thing. In the end, it actually answered part of my question. I learned that milk, cooked for extended periods of time or for high temperatures, will release high levels of free glutamate. It makes it's own MSG and it can cause the same reactions in MSG sensitive people. In fact, MSG sensitive people are told to avoid Ultra-Pasteurized milk products, because the pasteurization causes free glutamates as well.
But again - why meat and milk together?
Going back to Abraham, it's realized that nowhere does it say he served it together. People just assume it was. All the bible does is list what Abraham served and that he "placed it before them" and "stood by while they ate". There is no actual time frame. We know he told Sarah to make cakes, but that isn't listed. I think it's safe to assume it was also served.
It could very well be that he served curds and milk first, like an appetizer, so his guests wouldn't go hungry while waiting for the calf to be slaughtered and cooked. Sounds like something a good host would do, right? The digestion time of milk and curds isn't very long. It's an hour at most, so by the time the calf was ready, God's stomach would've been cleared of dairy, and He would've been free to eat the meat.
However, it doesn't say he didn't serve them together. To me, it's implied they were served together, but I could be wrong. It also doesn't say what God ate. Abraham put out the food and let his guest decide what he wanted, and kept them company while they ate. Also sounds like a good host, doesn't it?
The bible says "they ate". They could've eaten all of it. They could've eaten part of it. There is no way of knowing.
Again, the MSG research came into play. This time it was how foods react with each other and how food digestion works. This morning I found research that states meat needs the stomach acid to be digested properly, and that milk neutralizes it causing the meat to not digest as it should. I accidentally shut the page, and I ran out of time to find it again. I wanted to know if it was all dairy or just milk and how they came by their conclusions.
/headdesk
I'll look again tomorrow, but I wanted to write this while I was thinking about it.
I will edit this later on as I go further into my studies on this topic. The only conclusions I have for now are these:
1) The Rabbis went overboard on the separate dishes. There isn't any logical or biblical reason for it.
2) Nothing in the bible says milk and meat can't be served at the same meal. Even if God didn't eat milk and meat together, at the very least, He did eat them at the same meal.
3) At most, milk and dairy can't be cooked together. Meatloaf can't have milk added to it, but you can add milk to the side dish of mashed potatoes.
I'll write more about it another time. I needed to start dinner 20 minutes ago. At this point in time, hungry teens are definitely more dangerous than milk and dairy together.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Decluttering
After a lot of thought and discussion with the kids, we've decided our best option is to get rid of as much as possible. We are going to sort through each room, pick an item and either sell it or give it away. I'm fairly certain my eldest daughter will want all the childrens outside play equipment. We will attempt to sell the big van again.
Things like our computers will be kept. Mattresses will be kept. Bed frames, like the bookcase beds the boys have, we're not sure about yet. I have a lot of homeschooling books I can sell. We have a pc tower no one uses that can be sold.
I'm comparing costs of moving using a moving company, PODS and a place like U-Haul. So far, what seems like it will work the best for us is PODS. I'm estimating up to $5000 for moving. Now the total cost of this divorce will be at $10,000.
This won't be a problem if the house will sell for a decent price, and the court gives DH the marriage debt. He has the ability to make about $100,000 a year. There is no way I can get close to that. The lawyer said that the debt is normally awarded to the person who makes the most. I will take my own car payment and my daughter's school loan payment. I don't think it's fair to saddle him with all of it, despite the fact he has hidden money for years.
We will start this process once everyone is over this flu bug and the papers are filed.
Things like our computers will be kept. Mattresses will be kept. Bed frames, like the bookcase beds the boys have, we're not sure about yet. I have a lot of homeschooling books I can sell. We have a pc tower no one uses that can be sold.
I'm comparing costs of moving using a moving company, PODS and a place like U-Haul. So far, what seems like it will work the best for us is PODS. I'm estimating up to $5000 for moving. Now the total cost of this divorce will be at $10,000.
This won't be a problem if the house will sell for a decent price, and the court gives DH the marriage debt. He has the ability to make about $100,000 a year. There is no way I can get close to that. The lawyer said that the debt is normally awarded to the person who makes the most. I will take my own car payment and my daughter's school loan payment. I don't think it's fair to saddle him with all of it, despite the fact he has hidden money for years.
We will start this process once everyone is over this flu bug and the papers are filed.
Diets
Let me first say that I'm not picking on anyone. I care about everyone on this earth; even those who probably don't deserve it by societies standards. I especially care about my friends, both off and online.
This has been on my mind, and bugged me, for a long time. It is an issue that brings me a lot of confusion, so I usually refrain from participating in discussions.
You ready?
You want to know what it is?
Diets.
I know, I know. Weird, huh? But this issue confuses me.
I'm not talking about me going on one. I'm the first to admit my eating habits aren't the best. Technically, my eating habits are going through a major overhaul just because of soy and MSG. Once I get those straight, then I'll worry about health, though they are going hand-in-hand lately.
Notice I said "health" not "weight". I want to eat for health.
I have done a ton of food research as it relates to health. I mean A LOT of research. I haven't had a choice. If I don't research, I end up sick.
I disagree with the USDA food program. I disagree with what most dieticians and "fitness experts" teach. I do not believe in mass produced supplements. They do not absorb into the body as getting that item in it's natural state would. I'm not even going into the coatings used on them.
Natural, organic herbals, when made correctly, are usually fine. I've used them with good results for illnesses.
What bugs me are my friends, who are Believers, going on diets. Atkins, South Beach, T-Tapp, Nutrisystems, diet shakes are all I see mentioned when people talk about diets. These are believers in Yeshua. They are my spiritual brothers and sisters. Yet not one of the "diet talkers" talks about eating God's diet.
I don't know why, but this really bugs me.
Why don't they just eat God's diet?
Food verses are all over the bible. Leviticus has a lot of them. I won't go into the whole kosher vs non-kosher debate right now, but science has proven the forbidden animals in the Bible are bad for the human body. In fact, look up food science and compare it to bible verses and, what do you know, God was right the whole time.
*insert shocked face here*
So, stay away from pork, shellfish et. al. They are bottom and carrion feeders. If you really want to be grossed out, go study how their systems work and what it does to our bodies when we eat them. Even my shrimp-loving child can't eat them anymore based on science alone. She starts to gag, because she thinks about what she's eating.
A very easy to understand book is Holy Cow! Does God Care What We Eat? We used it as our jumping off point for food studies. This was before the MSG/Soy thing came into play. Maybe God was preparing me. I don't know. I do know that our food studies expanded greatly after that.
Let me insert here: Everyone is at a different place in their walk with God. It is possible that He just hasn't shown them His plan for eating yet. Some people can't eat certain foods due to health issues or allergies. I always try to keep this in mind before I open my mouth about any issue. Sometimes I fail. Okay, a lot of times I fail. I'm sure God just heaves a sigh and thinks, Okay, let's try this with her again. One day she'll get the whole "think before speaking" thing.
Back to the topic -
There are so many verses about food that I could take all day putting them into this post, but I really don't have time to do that. Plus, I believe people need to go look for themselves. Never just take what someone writes at face value. Always look it up for yourself. I will post a few, but there are so many more that may speak to someone moreso than these will.
Go to the text and read the whole circumstance under which Daniel said this, but the basic idea is that he did not want to eat bad food and go against what God commanded. It is clear they were quite healthy when the time period was over compared to their counterparts who ate food they shouldn't.
20 Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine,
Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;
21 For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty,
And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.
This has been on my mind, and bugged me, for a long time. It is an issue that brings me a lot of confusion, so I usually refrain from participating in discussions.
You ready?
You want to know what it is?
Diets.
I know, I know. Weird, huh? But this issue confuses me.
I'm not talking about me going on one. I'm the first to admit my eating habits aren't the best. Technically, my eating habits are going through a major overhaul just because of soy and MSG. Once I get those straight, then I'll worry about health, though they are going hand-in-hand lately.
Notice I said "health" not "weight". I want to eat for health.
I have done a ton of food research as it relates to health. I mean A LOT of research. I haven't had a choice. If I don't research, I end up sick.
I disagree with the USDA food program. I disagree with what most dieticians and "fitness experts" teach. I do not believe in mass produced supplements. They do not absorb into the body as getting that item in it's natural state would. I'm not even going into the coatings used on them.
Natural, organic herbals, when made correctly, are usually fine. I've used them with good results for illnesses.
What bugs me are my friends, who are Believers, going on diets. Atkins, South Beach, T-Tapp, Nutrisystems, diet shakes are all I see mentioned when people talk about diets. These are believers in Yeshua. They are my spiritual brothers and sisters. Yet not one of the "diet talkers" talks about eating God's diet.
I don't know why, but this really bugs me.
Why don't they just eat God's diet?
Food verses are all over the bible. Leviticus has a lot of them. I won't go into the whole kosher vs non-kosher debate right now, but science has proven the forbidden animals in the Bible are bad for the human body. In fact, look up food science and compare it to bible verses and, what do you know, God was right the whole time.
*insert shocked face here*
So, stay away from pork, shellfish et. al. They are bottom and carrion feeders. If you really want to be grossed out, go study how their systems work and what it does to our bodies when we eat them. Even my shrimp-loving child can't eat them anymore based on science alone. She starts to gag, because she thinks about what she's eating.
A very easy to understand book is Holy Cow! Does God Care What We Eat? We used it as our jumping off point for food studies. This was before the MSG/Soy thing came into play. Maybe God was preparing me. I don't know. I do know that our food studies expanded greatly after that.
Let me insert here: Everyone is at a different place in their walk with God. It is possible that He just hasn't shown them His plan for eating yet. Some people can't eat certain foods due to health issues or allergies. I always try to keep this in mind before I open my mouth about any issue. Sometimes I fail. Okay, a lot of times I fail. I'm sure God just heaves a sigh and thinks, Okay, let's try this with her again. One day she'll get the whole "think before speaking" thing.
Back to the topic -
There are so many verses about food that I could take all day putting them into this post, but I really don't have time to do that. Plus, I believe people need to go look for themselves. Never just take what someone writes at face value. Always look it up for yourself. I will post a few, but there are so many more that may speak to someone moreso than these will.
Daniel 1:12
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
12 “Please test your servants for ten days, and let us be given some vegetables to eat and water to drink."
Go to the text and read the whole circumstance under which Daniel said this, but the basic idea is that he did not want to eat bad food and go against what God commanded. It is clear they were quite healthy when the time period was over compared to their counterparts who ate food they shouldn't.
Proverbs 23:20-21
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
20 Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine,
Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;
21 For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty,
And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.
Eating meat and drinking wine is fine. Heavy drinking and eating a lot of meat is not. This "meat" part is contrary to one diet people tend to like. The "drowsiness" part is true. Too much of either makes you sleepy and unable to move very well.
Science has also shown that eating small amounts of red meat is good for you, but large amounts can lead to cancer and heart disease. Of course, there are other reasons for this as well such as the feed used, pesticides, etc. But doesn't God see everything? Is it possible He forsaw this and that is why He has it mentioned?
Granted, man has corrupted most of the food God made. There is repeated proof that almost every disease man has is man-made. Again, go do your research. Let me stop myself before I go down that rabbit trail (dang rabbits).
If we jump to the beginning of the bible, we see in Genesis:
Genesis 1:29
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
29 Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the [a]surface of all the earth, and every tree[b]which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you;
Footnotes:
- Genesis 1:29 Lit face of
- Genesis 1:29 Lit in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed
BUT we also have to keep in mind this verse:
Genesis 1:11
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
11 Then God said, “Let the earth sprout [a]vegetation, [b]plants yielding seed, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit after[c]their kind [d]with seed in them”; and it was so.
Footnotes:
- Genesis 1:11 Or grass
- Genesis 1:11 Or herbs
- Genesis 1:11 Lit its
- Genesis 1:11 Lit in which is its seed
He gave us fruits and vegetables. We are to eat what HE gave us, not what man has created through genetics. This is important, because genetically modified food is being proven as a disease and illness instigator. MSG comes from genetically altered food products. It is bad for us.
A controversial food item is Soy. Soy has good points, but it also has a lot of bad points especially for men since it binds to estrogen. I can't eat it. In it's natural state, it's extremely high in free glutamates. When messed with, the glutamate levels explode. This is very bad for your body and your brain. It is especially bad for MSG sensitive people. MSG is a free glutamate.
We have girls starting their periods at younger ages. Go see how many soy products they're eating. Soy is in almost everything. My youngest daughter is allergic to it. That's how I know. Even organic items aren't safe now. You have to read everything. Soy is used for menopausal women as a hormone replacement. Um, hello?
Go do your research. I literally have to research each food item. I don't just research rice. I have to research brown vs white, what is done to each, what is sprayed on each (fyi, always wash your rice!), etc. Failure to do this can result in me becoming sick.
Another thing that bugs me is when people complain that they aren't losing weight, yet they don't actively exercise by their own admission. Again, biblically, we are to work except on the Sabbath. We are to move. We are to be active.
Again, science has backed God up on this. We are a machine. We need to be used. We need to be moving. If we don't, our parts start to lock up.
"I eat potatoes and bananas all the time, but I can't seem to lose my stomach fat, and I'm tired a lot."
I have diabetic friends who can't eat potatoes or bananas. They cause a sharp rise in blood sugar and screw with insulin levels. This is where the word "moderation" comes in. Raw spinach is good for you. Too much raw spinach can give you mouth ulcers. Unaltered water is good for you (not city water which has a lot of chemicals), but too much water can cause Water Intoxication. It can lead to death.
Fruits and vegetables are great as long as you don't "overdose" on specific ones. The key is variety.
So, what are you getting from this? Anything? Do a food study. What did you see in it?
What I get is that God wants us to eat only the things God creates, not man.
Our diet should be water, a huge variety of organic heirloom vegetables and fruits (more veggie than fruit since fruit can cause sugar spikes), and small amounts of protein, nuts and grains.
If you're missing a mineral or vitamin from your diet, don't grab the supplements. Grab the food item that contains it. There are circumstances where certain foods just aren't available in certain areas. If that is the case, then you need to research the supplement carefully and find one that closely mimics it's own natural state.
As I said, my eating habits are terrible. I do love me some Lays Potato Chips (the only kind I can eat), and people will die if I don't have my coffee in the morning.
I have so much going on right now, but at some point I will be taking on my own health. However, I won't be turning to "man's" diet. I will be turning to the bible. I hope that doesn't come off as "holier than thou". It's not how I mean it. I just don't understand why people are turning to man instead of God.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Sick
Everything has to be put on hold for a few days, because I am sick. Normally, I'd just take some cold meds, but I can no longer take most medications. I get to feel every glorious symptom. *sigh*
If I could take meds, then I could work on things, but I can't think straight right now. I don't want to do things while my brain is fuzzy.
I guess a few days isn't going to matter much really.
If I could take meds, then I could work on things, but I can't think straight right now. I don't want to do things while my brain is fuzzy.
I guess a few days isn't going to matter much really.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Being Thrifty
There is so much I need to do to prepare for selling the house, and to prepare for living on so much less money.
I mentioned before that I do couponing. A lot of times, with the use of sales and coupons, I can get smaller bottles of laundry detergent for very cheap or free. It may not be a name brand, but it is what I can afford.
I ran out of my stock, coupons and laundry soap. That's rare for all 3 to happen at the same time. To be honest, I haven't been keeping up on the coupons like I used to.
I decided to try homemade. I already had the ingredients. I was just putting off trying it. Tonight, I made a small batch. The hardest part was grating the soap. I used Fels-Naptha.
I made the dry version, because the liquid version required a bucket large enough to hold several gallons of water. Everything I've read says either recipe is good for HE machines and normal machines. I need to play around with how much to use for my top-loading washer. 2 tbsp. was fine for clothing, but it didn't seem to be enough for the towels. I have hard water, so that's probably why.
Dry Laundry Soap
1 bar of soap (Fels-Naptha, Zote or Ivory)
1 cup Arm and Hammer Washing Soda (NOT baking soda)
1 cup Borax
Grate the soap with a fine grater. Some people grate it larger, let it sit and dry out for a day or two, then run it through a blender to make it powdery.
Mix all ingredients for several minutes with a spoon to blend it very well. Store in an airtight container.
HE machines are only supposed to use 1-2 tbsps. Top loaders can use up to 1/4 cup. Start small and use more each time until you are satisfied. Some add a few drops of essential oil to give it "fragrance".
I've seen differing recipes, but all call for the same 3 ingredients. For my first try I used a 1/2 bar of soap, 2/3 cup Borax and 2/3 cup washing soda.
Another recipe called for 1 bar of soap and 2 cups of the soda and borax. I think I will try that next.
I've read where several people made the liquid version and mixed it with their store bought to make it stretch farther. I don't know if I'd do that or not.
I saw a dishwasher detergent one, but people were not as pleased with it as they were with the laundry recipe. I will try several and see if I can find a version that works for me.
Hopefully all this made sense. This cold is bad enough that even my eyes are watering making it a bit hard to see.
I mentioned before that I do couponing. A lot of times, with the use of sales and coupons, I can get smaller bottles of laundry detergent for very cheap or free. It may not be a name brand, but it is what I can afford.
I ran out of my stock, coupons and laundry soap. That's rare for all 3 to happen at the same time. To be honest, I haven't been keeping up on the coupons like I used to.
I decided to try homemade. I already had the ingredients. I was just putting off trying it. Tonight, I made a small batch. The hardest part was grating the soap. I used Fels-Naptha.
I made the dry version, because the liquid version required a bucket large enough to hold several gallons of water. Everything I've read says either recipe is good for HE machines and normal machines. I need to play around with how much to use for my top-loading washer. 2 tbsp. was fine for clothing, but it didn't seem to be enough for the towels. I have hard water, so that's probably why.
Dry Laundry Soap
1 bar of soap (Fels-Naptha, Zote or Ivory)
1 cup Arm and Hammer Washing Soda (NOT baking soda)
1 cup Borax
Grate the soap with a fine grater. Some people grate it larger, let it sit and dry out for a day or two, then run it through a blender to make it powdery.
Mix all ingredients for several minutes with a spoon to blend it very well. Store in an airtight container.
HE machines are only supposed to use 1-2 tbsps. Top loaders can use up to 1/4 cup. Start small and use more each time until you are satisfied. Some add a few drops of essential oil to give it "fragrance".
I've seen differing recipes, but all call for the same 3 ingredients. For my first try I used a 1/2 bar of soap, 2/3 cup Borax and 2/3 cup washing soda.
Another recipe called for 1 bar of soap and 2 cups of the soda and borax. I think I will try that next.
I've read where several people made the liquid version and mixed it with their store bought to make it stretch farther. I don't know if I'd do that or not.
I saw a dishwasher detergent one, but people were not as pleased with it as they were with the laundry recipe. I will try several and see if I can find a version that works for me.
Hopefully all this made sense. This cold is bad enough that even my eyes are watering making it a bit hard to see.
First Cold
My first cold without cold meds. Day 1 and I hate it already. My nose is very raw. I found some slightly expired generic Benadryl wannabe, so I took one of those. I don't know if the gelatin capsule will affect me or not. I get to wait and see.
I usually took Alka-seltzer cold, but they added aspartame to it. I can't have aspartame. Thera flu is in the cabinet, but it has either maltodextrin or dextrose. I can't remember which, but it doesn't matter. I can't have either.
Tomorrow I'll go to Wal-mart and see if I can find something I can take. My nose hurts. I'm putting petroleum jelly on it to try and protect it.
I usually took Alka-seltzer cold, but they added aspartame to it. I can't have aspartame. Thera flu is in the cabinet, but it has either maltodextrin or dextrose. I can't remember which, but it doesn't matter. I can't have either.
Tomorrow I'll go to Wal-mart and see if I can find something I can take. My nose hurts. I'm putting petroleum jelly on it to try and protect it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Firstborn
I didn't post anything on the 15th about this, but it was my eldest son's birthday. He was born on Feb. 15th. 20 minutes later, he died in his father's arms. I often wonder what he would've been like. Even after all these years I still grow sad thinking about him. I probably will do that for the rest of my life.
Gifts of the Spirit
Romans 12:6-7
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
6 Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us,each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, [a]according to the proportion of his faith; 7 if [b]service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching;
Footnotes:
- Romans 12:6 Or in agreement with the faith
- Romans 12:7 Or office of service
God gives us all a spiritual gift. The gift grows along with our faith. It's kind of a shallow faith: small gift; deep faith: big gift type of thing. Years ago, I was told I had the gift of prophecy and teaching (especially children). I have since lost that gift.
I'm sure many have their opinions as to why, but I believe it's because I did not take care of it. I did not "feed" it. I did not "water" it. I stopped praying unless specifically asked to. I stopped reading my bible. I began letting things into my house I would've previously banned like certain TV shows, music and video games. Unfortunately, I now have to deal with the consequences of those decisions.
I began to move away from God. The farther I went the more my gifts faded. Now, if someone asks me about something Messianic, the answers aren't there any longer. I flounder in my responses. I don't like that. It makes me look weak and uneducated. But it's my own fault.
God gives us these gifts as an act of love. Just as you lose muscle tone if you do not exercise your body, I did not "exercise" my gift and lost it. I can't help but wonder if they will return as I rediscover Him, or will He give me something else?
Quote
For some reason this spoke to me today:
The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
Boru-chan
This is a crochet project designed by my children and myself. It's name is Boru-chan. I'm making the next one in red to yellow to see how it looks. This is one of the "sell" projects that will probably end up on Etsy once I decide on a reasonable price.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
You Know What is Sad?
For years I've tried to keep what DH does away from the kids. I've tried to keep it between him and I. If I had a problem that I wanted to talk to him about, I waited until the kids were elsewhere. He did too. However, when our youngest hit his teens, DH seemed to forget about keeping it away from them.
A long time ago I had to make a rule about feeding order. I would announce dinner, DH would come in and fill his plate. I don't mean get a serving of each food. I mean he loaded his plate up with a literal mountain of food. A couple of times he came back for seconds before the kids had all been served. I was astounded that someone could eat that much that fast. Several times I didn't eat, because there wasn't enough to go around. I had to make sure the kids ate.
So, I made a rule: The youngest is fed first. The eldest (DH) is fed last.
He didn't understand why he had to wait. I tried explaining to him that he ate enough food for 3-4 people and didn't leave enough for the rest of us. He said, "I do not!" I didn't argue with him. I just said that our food budget was tight, and I needed to make sure everyone got fed.
Thankfully, this worked until recently. Now, when I announce dinner, he is the first in the kitchen. He loads up his plate and leaves. Again, sometimes there isn't enough of something to go around.
Last week I called everyone into the kitchen and said, "I know you guys are hungry, but you need to eyeball the food. Figure out who has eaten and who hasn't, then gauge how much food you can have without taking from the next person. Our food budget is getting out of control since we've had to change over to organic. I don't want to have to portion out the food."
I did this so he didn't feel singled out, but it was getting out of hand again. It was also a true statement. The food budget exploded after the dietary changes had to happen.
This worked until tonight. I've been making a lot when I make my baked fries, because they are quite popular with the family. I always make sure I make enough for seconds. Even I'll get more of them, and I don't normally get seconds.
After dinner was ready, and I had eaten a sloppy joe and a small handful of fries, I walked into the kitchen, saw the almost empty cookie sheet and asked DD3 if she had eaten. She wasn't feeling well. Her throat hurt and she had said she wasn't ready to eat yet.
She said she had. I said, "Wow, you guys must have been hungry! Usually there is about a third left. I barely took any." DS3 came in and whispered, "Dad took them all after we got ours. We didn't get seconds." My jaw dropped. I know the kids restrain themselves to make sure that everyone has food. I had a general idea of how much they would've left. That was a lot for one person.
This is what makes me sad. The older three never really had to deal with this side of him, and now they are all out of the house. The younger three see his selfishness and lies. I never wanted them to see this side of him. I was naive enough to think he'd keep it hidden from them. But he didn't.
Each time he does something like this, he loses his children's respect. All of the ones that have seen this behavior are encouraging me to get a divorce. For children to want their own father out of the house is, to me, really bad. My youngest daughter says the stress is a bit much for her. If I am not divorcing soon, she plans on moving out. They love their father. They just don't want to live with him.
Now, I'm getting stories about how he's telling the kids things like how bad he wants a truck, but I won't let him have one. If he's in the car with them, and I'm not there, he will point to trucks and say, "I had one like that, but it broke and Mom didn't want to spend the money to fix it." (It would've cost over $3k and the truck had 200k miles on it), or "I want one like that, but Mom won't let me get one." It makes the kids uncomfortable.
It is so, so sad that his behavior has isolated his own children. It is so, so sad that he doesn't see it. He doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong. He thinks it's his right to do all of this.
It may sound like I'm ragging on him, but I'm not. I'm just explaining what we deal with in this house with him. There are things I don't even mention to him or anyone else. There are things I overlook on a regular basis just because I don't want to fight about it. But the kids see it. I can't hide it from them anymore, and he no longer cares if they see the real him.
The one thing I wanted for them was to see their father as someone they could respect. I wanted them to think they had a dad who loved them without restraint. Sometimes I can't help but think that maybe if I'd left a long time ago, they'd still believe that.
A long time ago I had to make a rule about feeding order. I would announce dinner, DH would come in and fill his plate. I don't mean get a serving of each food. I mean he loaded his plate up with a literal mountain of food. A couple of times he came back for seconds before the kids had all been served. I was astounded that someone could eat that much that fast. Several times I didn't eat, because there wasn't enough to go around. I had to make sure the kids ate.
So, I made a rule: The youngest is fed first. The eldest (DH) is fed last.
He didn't understand why he had to wait. I tried explaining to him that he ate enough food for 3-4 people and didn't leave enough for the rest of us. He said, "I do not!" I didn't argue with him. I just said that our food budget was tight, and I needed to make sure everyone got fed.
Thankfully, this worked until recently. Now, when I announce dinner, he is the first in the kitchen. He loads up his plate and leaves. Again, sometimes there isn't enough of something to go around.
Last week I called everyone into the kitchen and said, "I know you guys are hungry, but you need to eyeball the food. Figure out who has eaten and who hasn't, then gauge how much food you can have without taking from the next person. Our food budget is getting out of control since we've had to change over to organic. I don't want to have to portion out the food."
I did this so he didn't feel singled out, but it was getting out of hand again. It was also a true statement. The food budget exploded after the dietary changes had to happen.
This worked until tonight. I've been making a lot when I make my baked fries, because they are quite popular with the family. I always make sure I make enough for seconds. Even I'll get more of them, and I don't normally get seconds.
After dinner was ready, and I had eaten a sloppy joe and a small handful of fries, I walked into the kitchen, saw the almost empty cookie sheet and asked DD3 if she had eaten. She wasn't feeling well. Her throat hurt and she had said she wasn't ready to eat yet.
She said she had. I said, "Wow, you guys must have been hungry! Usually there is about a third left. I barely took any." DS3 came in and whispered, "Dad took them all after we got ours. We didn't get seconds." My jaw dropped. I know the kids restrain themselves to make sure that everyone has food. I had a general idea of how much they would've left. That was a lot for one person.
This is what makes me sad. The older three never really had to deal with this side of him, and now they are all out of the house. The younger three see his selfishness and lies. I never wanted them to see this side of him. I was naive enough to think he'd keep it hidden from them. But he didn't.
Each time he does something like this, he loses his children's respect. All of the ones that have seen this behavior are encouraging me to get a divorce. For children to want their own father out of the house is, to me, really bad. My youngest daughter says the stress is a bit much for her. If I am not divorcing soon, she plans on moving out. They love their father. They just don't want to live with him.
Now, I'm getting stories about how he's telling the kids things like how bad he wants a truck, but I won't let him have one. If he's in the car with them, and I'm not there, he will point to trucks and say, "I had one like that, but it broke and Mom didn't want to spend the money to fix it." (It would've cost over $3k and the truck had 200k miles on it), or "I want one like that, but Mom won't let me get one." It makes the kids uncomfortable.
It is so, so sad that his behavior has isolated his own children. It is so, so sad that he doesn't see it. He doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong. He thinks it's his right to do all of this.
It may sound like I'm ragging on him, but I'm not. I'm just explaining what we deal with in this house with him. There are things I don't even mention to him or anyone else. There are things I overlook on a regular basis just because I don't want to fight about it. But the kids see it. I can't hide it from them anymore, and he no longer cares if they see the real him.
The one thing I wanted for them was to see their father as someone they could respect. I wanted them to think they had a dad who loved them without restraint. Sometimes I can't help but think that maybe if I'd left a long time ago, they'd still believe that.
I'm having a hard time holding my tongue. DH (in my case it's "damn husband") is doing little things he feels are okay for him to do, but it's not okay. I've told him they're not okay, but I'm getting ignored. One is about the toothpaste in the house.
I do couponing. $1.00 off toothpaste coupons has allowed me to get toothpaste for free. My daughter is only supposed to use a toothpaste like Sensodyne, because her teeth are very sensitive. I just had to pay a lot for the dentist to resurface the very sensitive ones, because she was having trouble eating anything hot or cold. She isn't supposed to drink soda, eat citrus or anything that can eat at the enamel. She has to brush her teeth immediately if she does.
To me her toothpaste is not exactly cheap. A coupon that allowed me to buy a few trial size tubes for free showed up. I managed to find a $2.00 off coupon that allowed me to get a larger tube for almost free. I discovered another toothpaste had the same ingredient, and I was able to get a small tube of that. Everyone knew those tubes of toothpaste were for her. She is the only one who really needs them. I put them on a shelf in the bathroom closet.
Other coupons showed up online and in the paper which allowed me to get small and larger tubes of various toothpastes for free. I have a container with about 3 full size and 10 trial size tubes. Those are for everyone else.
My husband only uses Close-up toothpaste. He has never said anything about needing any other toothpaste. It's a cheap toothpaste ($1.97 at Wal-mart), but free is always cheaper. I told him to use the toothpaste in the container. He had a choice of which. I made sure to mention the toothpaste in the closet was our daughter's.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a trial size tube on the sink, but didn't pay attention to what it was until I moved it while cleaning the bathroom. It was my daughter's toothpaste. I was confused, because she already had a large tube open. Questioning her resulted in her denying she had opened another tube. The boys keep their toothpaste in the upstairs bathroom, and I wouldn't touch what I knew was hers. That left one person: her father.
He said he was using it, because he needed it also. This ticked me off.
Every time he's needed more toothpaste, he has told me to go buy the Close-up. At no point did he tell me to buy him anything else. He has never said he needed that toothpaste.
I know he is using it, because he was told not to. That is the way he is. It's his way of saying, "I make the money. I'll do what I want." He also uses a lot on his toothbrush. He went through a trial tube in about 4 days. You don't need more than a pea-sized amount. A trial size should last about 2 weeks or more.
I didn't realize how much he had already used until I went to get a band-aid out of the closet. There was nothing left of the toothpaste. He used all of it within 3 weeks except for the large tube she was using.
Now she noticed that her tube is shrinking fast despite the fact he was told not to touch her toothpaste anymore. She and I both feel having someone sharing toothpaste is a bit gross. We have no idea how well they clean their toothbrush, and they rub the open part of the tube against it. We both prefer having our own tubes. She is definitely disgusted by her dad using her toothpaste especially because of his oral habits.
She told him to leave her toothpaste alone. This morning she noticed the tube wasn't where she put it. She plans on putting it in her room from now on. I find it sad that my daughter has to now hide her toothpaste from her father. I find it even more sad that he feels entitled to do whatever he wants despite how it hurts others.
The other issue we're having is the heaters.
DH runs hot. He weighs about 300+lbs (no lie) and is always hot. Our dog is a Boxer. They can't handle extreme cold or hot, because they don't have body fat, have thin skin and short coats. His dog bed is in what we call "the computer room". The heater in the computer room is broken. It doesn't like to shut off, so I shut if off during the day and turn it back on at night.
One night, while sitting at my desk, I realized I felt a cold breeze. Checking the walk-out door showed it to be closed and locked. The breeze felt like it was coming down the stairs, so I went up to see if someone left the kitchen door open. I finally discovered the heater in the computer room had been set to "fan only" and was blowing cold air around. Not a good thing for a home in winter in New England.
Figuring it was a mistake, I turned off the heater until I went to bed. In the morning, I turned it off. The temperature outside dropped into the negatives, so I had to turn it back on before I had a dogcicle. When I went to bed I felt the cold breeze again. The heater was, once again, on "fan only". Checking the knob showed that it didn't fall that way on its own.
Now, I'm getting a bit annoyed. Our entire house is electric. It's expensive. The cold air was making the other heaters turn on. I switched it back to heat. The poor dog was curled up in a tiny ball. In the morning, I asked the kids if they were messing with it. DS2 said, "Dad was leaning down by it last night after he got home."
The other night I turned the heat on when I went to bed. In the morning, I opened my bedroom door and was hit by a blast of cold air. Shivering, I walked into the pc room to find it was on "fan" again. Same thing happened this morning. When he got home I told him that his turning it to "fan" sent cold air along the floors and made the other heaters kick on more. I said, "Please leave it alone. You're freezing the poor dog out and sending the electric bill higher."
He had a minor fit over how he was hot and leaving the heater running all night made the bill higher. I just kind of stared at him while my brain tried to process that logic. I said, "It's winter. The heat is on anyhow. Making a cold breeze makes the heaters kick on more, so instead of one heater going there are multiple heaters running more often."
"You're wrong. It's more expensive to run that heater. It's cheaper to run it on "fan"."
I finally said, "Just leave it alone."
"Fine, but you're the one who will sweat to death when you get up."
"That's fine. When I find someone still selling heaters, I will replace it."
He left the room. I managed to keep myself from banging my head against one of the kitchen cabinets.
On the plus side: the retirement account statement finally came. Now to wait for him to file the taxes.
I do couponing. $1.00 off toothpaste coupons has allowed me to get toothpaste for free. My daughter is only supposed to use a toothpaste like Sensodyne, because her teeth are very sensitive. I just had to pay a lot for the dentist to resurface the very sensitive ones, because she was having trouble eating anything hot or cold. She isn't supposed to drink soda, eat citrus or anything that can eat at the enamel. She has to brush her teeth immediately if she does.
To me her toothpaste is not exactly cheap. A coupon that allowed me to buy a few trial size tubes for free showed up. I managed to find a $2.00 off coupon that allowed me to get a larger tube for almost free. I discovered another toothpaste had the same ingredient, and I was able to get a small tube of that. Everyone knew those tubes of toothpaste were for her. She is the only one who really needs them. I put them on a shelf in the bathroom closet.
Other coupons showed up online and in the paper which allowed me to get small and larger tubes of various toothpastes for free. I have a container with about 3 full size and 10 trial size tubes. Those are for everyone else.
My husband only uses Close-up toothpaste. He has never said anything about needing any other toothpaste. It's a cheap toothpaste ($1.97 at Wal-mart), but free is always cheaper. I told him to use the toothpaste in the container. He had a choice of which. I made sure to mention the toothpaste in the closet was our daughter's.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a trial size tube on the sink, but didn't pay attention to what it was until I moved it while cleaning the bathroom. It was my daughter's toothpaste. I was confused, because she already had a large tube open. Questioning her resulted in her denying she had opened another tube. The boys keep their toothpaste in the upstairs bathroom, and I wouldn't touch what I knew was hers. That left one person: her father.
He said he was using it, because he needed it also. This ticked me off.
Every time he's needed more toothpaste, he has told me to go buy the Close-up. At no point did he tell me to buy him anything else. He has never said he needed that toothpaste.
I know he is using it, because he was told not to. That is the way he is. It's his way of saying, "I make the money. I'll do what I want." He also uses a lot on his toothbrush. He went through a trial tube in about 4 days. You don't need more than a pea-sized amount. A trial size should last about 2 weeks or more.
I didn't realize how much he had already used until I went to get a band-aid out of the closet. There was nothing left of the toothpaste. He used all of it within 3 weeks except for the large tube she was using.
Now she noticed that her tube is shrinking fast despite the fact he was told not to touch her toothpaste anymore. She and I both feel having someone sharing toothpaste is a bit gross. We have no idea how well they clean their toothbrush, and they rub the open part of the tube against it. We both prefer having our own tubes. She is definitely disgusted by her dad using her toothpaste especially because of his oral habits.
She told him to leave her toothpaste alone. This morning she noticed the tube wasn't where she put it. She plans on putting it in her room from now on. I find it sad that my daughter has to now hide her toothpaste from her father. I find it even more sad that he feels entitled to do whatever he wants despite how it hurts others.
The other issue we're having is the heaters.
DH runs hot. He weighs about 300+lbs (no lie) and is always hot. Our dog is a Boxer. They can't handle extreme cold or hot, because they don't have body fat, have thin skin and short coats. His dog bed is in what we call "the computer room". The heater in the computer room is broken. It doesn't like to shut off, so I shut if off during the day and turn it back on at night.
One night, while sitting at my desk, I realized I felt a cold breeze. Checking the walk-out door showed it to be closed and locked. The breeze felt like it was coming down the stairs, so I went up to see if someone left the kitchen door open. I finally discovered the heater in the computer room had been set to "fan only" and was blowing cold air around. Not a good thing for a home in winter in New England.
Figuring it was a mistake, I turned off the heater until I went to bed. In the morning, I turned it off. The temperature outside dropped into the negatives, so I had to turn it back on before I had a dogcicle. When I went to bed I felt the cold breeze again. The heater was, once again, on "fan only". Checking the knob showed that it didn't fall that way on its own.
Now, I'm getting a bit annoyed. Our entire house is electric. It's expensive. The cold air was making the other heaters turn on. I switched it back to heat. The poor dog was curled up in a tiny ball. In the morning, I asked the kids if they were messing with it. DS2 said, "Dad was leaning down by it last night after he got home."
The other night I turned the heat on when I went to bed. In the morning, I opened my bedroom door and was hit by a blast of cold air. Shivering, I walked into the pc room to find it was on "fan" again. Same thing happened this morning. When he got home I told him that his turning it to "fan" sent cold air along the floors and made the other heaters kick on more. I said, "Please leave it alone. You're freezing the poor dog out and sending the electric bill higher."
He had a minor fit over how he was hot and leaving the heater running all night made the bill higher. I just kind of stared at him while my brain tried to process that logic. I said, "It's winter. The heat is on anyhow. Making a cold breeze makes the heaters kick on more, so instead of one heater going there are multiple heaters running more often."
"You're wrong. It's more expensive to run that heater. It's cheaper to run it on "fan"."
I finally said, "Just leave it alone."
"Fine, but you're the one who will sweat to death when you get up."
"That's fine. When I find someone still selling heaters, I will replace it."
He left the room. I managed to keep myself from banging my head against one of the kitchen cabinets.
On the plus side: the retirement account statement finally came. Now to wait for him to file the taxes.
Kids and Jobs
I have 6 children. Each child was informed that I will help pay for the first car; first, hopefully only, wedding; first degree and so forth. Notice I said "help". They are also required to pitch in.
For college or trade school, I tell my children one thing: I will help pay for the first school. If you decide you've made a mistake, then you get to pay for anything else. I also told them I'd rather they put off going to college until they're positive about what they want to do.
My in-laws made my youngest sister-in-law go to college. She had no idea what she wanted to do. She wasn't even sure she wanted to go. The in-laws didn't give her an option, so she earned a degree in philosophy. It was the only thing she could think of to do. She now works in a factory. This was a huge factor in my decision to wait until my children were sure about what they wanted.
Child #1graduated from a private Christian school. My eldest decided she wanted to be a massage therapist. She was looking for fast easy cash that would get her out on her own after leaving an abusive marriage (not going into THAT one yet). I told her our area is saturated with MTs. She thought she knew better, so I kept my mouth shut and helped pay for her schooling. I also watched my grandson for free which I didn't mind at all. :)
She never got a job as a M.T. It turns out she absolutely hated it while in school, but I give her credit for sticking with it until the end. Several years later, she is now paying her own way through college to earn her business degree in Human Resources.
Child #2 decided she HATED Algebra and went for her GED. My middle daughter worked at Wal-mart until she decided what she wanted to do. After moving to New Mexico with a friend, she decided she wanted to become a L.C.S.W. (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) with an emphasis on children in the foster care system. She also didn't want our help in paying for school. She wanted to do it on her own. Kudos to her. As far as I know, she is in her last year of school. Yes, "as far as I know". That's another story I'm not going into right now.
Child #3 is a graduate of our private school. My eldest son faced a lot of opposition from the Marine recruiting office here. He graduated from our school, and they had never dealt with homeschoolers before. They fully expected him to fail the ASVAB test. They kept trying to talk him into positions held by those who can't do a lot. He took his test. I prayed.
The recruiter came out with a shocked look on his face and said, "Son, you can do anything you want in the Marines." He had scored well over 80%. The average for public school kids, according to that office, is 50%. One of the recruiters decided to homeschool his kids because of this.
Child #4, also a girl, decided she wanted to get her GED. She wanted to get on with her life and didn't want to deal with one more year of school. Then she hung around the house for 3 years. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to do. After a lot of thinking, she decided to become an Esthetician (they leave the "A" off here for some reason). Again, another saturated field here. I gave her the same warnings I gave her eldest sister.
I paid for half of her school. She graduated and... couldn't find a job. Her ultimate goal is to become a make-up artist. Yet she did nothing to make it happen other than that school. She wanted to work on a cruise ship, and I gave her the websites she needed. Yet she didn't contact anyone. This was a big clue that she really wasn't interested in that field.
She is now applying at any place that is hiring including places she previously refused to work at like Wal-mart. She has also decided she wants to work with animals - something I recommended she do years ago. K-9 police is at the top of her list. I am still paying off her first school. She knows she has to pay for her second one on her own. To me, she is still in the "searching for herself" stage. I think she's going to need a lot of encouragement and patience while she finds her direction in life.
Child #5: Son #2 also graduated from our homeschool. He didn't score as high as his brother on the ASVAB, but he did above average and is now a "poolee". That's someone who is waiting for their turn to enter boot camp. He is scheduled to enter in June. That's an almost year long wait. The Marines are a bit booked up.
My only concern is he wanted to work with computer graphics. He is slotted for aircraft mechanic. He loves planes and weapons, so I guess it'll be okay. If not, he can always use the GI Bill to go to college.
Now we come to my youngest. He will also be graduating from our school. I find it odd all the boys did but none of the girls. He said he wanted to be a police officer, so all his schooling has been centered on entering the local community college's criminal justice program. Police academy entrance age is 21, so using that time to get a degree will help his chances on getting in.
Then he comes to me and says he's changed his mind. He now wants to be...
Wait for it...
Are you ready?
He wants to be...
*insert drumroll*
A stuntman.
I just stood blinking my eyes. I couldn't think of anything to say. A stuntman?!
"Are you kidding me?", I curiously asked him. I seriously thought he was joking.
"No, I'm serious. I want to be a stuntman."
Several things flooded my brain. Not one of them was nice and supporting. Thankfully, I managed to contain my thoughts and asked, "Have you researched this yet?"
"Sort of."
"Okay, why don't you research it and get back to me on what you need?"
"I know I need to belong to a guild. I also know I need to learn Judo or another form of martial arts."
So, now I am adding martial arts to his physical education. That's not a bad thing. I guess we'll see where this goes. I always tell the kids, "You never know until you try." For all I know he could become the world's greatest stuntman.
For college or trade school, I tell my children one thing: I will help pay for the first school. If you decide you've made a mistake, then you get to pay for anything else. I also told them I'd rather they put off going to college until they're positive about what they want to do.
My in-laws made my youngest sister-in-law go to college. She had no idea what she wanted to do. She wasn't even sure she wanted to go. The in-laws didn't give her an option, so she earned a degree in philosophy. It was the only thing she could think of to do. She now works in a factory. This was a huge factor in my decision to wait until my children were sure about what they wanted.
Child #1graduated from a private Christian school. My eldest decided she wanted to be a massage therapist. She was looking for fast easy cash that would get her out on her own after leaving an abusive marriage (not going into THAT one yet). I told her our area is saturated with MTs. She thought she knew better, so I kept my mouth shut and helped pay for her schooling. I also watched my grandson for free which I didn't mind at all. :)
She never got a job as a M.T. It turns out she absolutely hated it while in school, but I give her credit for sticking with it until the end. Several years later, she is now paying her own way through college to earn her business degree in Human Resources.
Child #2 decided she HATED Algebra and went for her GED. My middle daughter worked at Wal-mart until she decided what she wanted to do. After moving to New Mexico with a friend, she decided she wanted to become a L.C.S.W. (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) with an emphasis on children in the foster care system. She also didn't want our help in paying for school. She wanted to do it on her own. Kudos to her. As far as I know, she is in her last year of school. Yes, "as far as I know". That's another story I'm not going into right now.
Child #3 is a graduate of our private school. My eldest son faced a lot of opposition from the Marine recruiting office here. He graduated from our school, and they had never dealt with homeschoolers before. They fully expected him to fail the ASVAB test. They kept trying to talk him into positions held by those who can't do a lot. He took his test. I prayed.
The recruiter came out with a shocked look on his face and said, "Son, you can do anything you want in the Marines." He had scored well over 80%. The average for public school kids, according to that office, is 50%. One of the recruiters decided to homeschool his kids because of this.
Child #4, also a girl, decided she wanted to get her GED. She wanted to get on with her life and didn't want to deal with one more year of school. Then she hung around the house for 3 years. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to do. After a lot of thinking, she decided to become an Esthetician (they leave the "A" off here for some reason). Again, another saturated field here. I gave her the same warnings I gave her eldest sister.
I paid for half of her school. She graduated and... couldn't find a job. Her ultimate goal is to become a make-up artist. Yet she did nothing to make it happen other than that school. She wanted to work on a cruise ship, and I gave her the websites she needed. Yet she didn't contact anyone. This was a big clue that she really wasn't interested in that field.
She is now applying at any place that is hiring including places she previously refused to work at like Wal-mart. She has also decided she wants to work with animals - something I recommended she do years ago. K-9 police is at the top of her list. I am still paying off her first school. She knows she has to pay for her second one on her own. To me, she is still in the "searching for herself" stage. I think she's going to need a lot of encouragement and patience while she finds her direction in life.
Child #5: Son #2 also graduated from our homeschool. He didn't score as high as his brother on the ASVAB, but he did above average and is now a "poolee". That's someone who is waiting for their turn to enter boot camp. He is scheduled to enter in June. That's an almost year long wait. The Marines are a bit booked up.
My only concern is he wanted to work with computer graphics. He is slotted for aircraft mechanic. He loves planes and weapons, so I guess it'll be okay. If not, he can always use the GI Bill to go to college.
Now we come to my youngest. He will also be graduating from our school. I find it odd all the boys did but none of the girls. He said he wanted to be a police officer, so all his schooling has been centered on entering the local community college's criminal justice program. Police academy entrance age is 21, so using that time to get a degree will help his chances on getting in.
Then he comes to me and says he's changed his mind. He now wants to be...
Wait for it...
Are you ready?
He wants to be...
*insert drumroll*
A stuntman.
I just stood blinking my eyes. I couldn't think of anything to say. A stuntman?!
"Are you kidding me?", I curiously asked him. I seriously thought he was joking.
"No, I'm serious. I want to be a stuntman."
Several things flooded my brain. Not one of them was nice and supporting. Thankfully, I managed to contain my thoughts and asked, "Have you researched this yet?"
"Sort of."
"Okay, why don't you research it and get back to me on what you need?"
"I know I need to belong to a guild. I also know I need to learn Judo or another form of martial arts."
So, now I am adding martial arts to his physical education. That's not a bad thing. I guess we'll see where this goes. I always tell the kids, "You never know until you try." For all I know he could become the world's greatest stuntman.
Run-in With McDonalds
I haven't had a run-in with anyone about homeschooling for a long time...until my son started working at McDonalds.
First they wanted a letter saying he was homeschooled. No problem. 4 months later, they decide it's not good enough. Now they need a letter stating his school hours. Okay, fine. I can understand that due to child labor laws. I sent the letter in yesterday.
My son came home and said it wasn't good enough. They need a letter from the high school or something saying he isn't enrolled there. He didn't understand it, and the two managers couldn't seem to get it straight. My first thought was, The public school? We have nothing to do with them.
Does McDonalds think I'm lying?
What kind of parent do they think I am?
Do they think I'd let my child skip school to work?
After thinking about it, I realized that I should've come at it from our private school perspective from the beginning. Last night I drafted a letter, with the school letterhead, and it will be embossed with our school seal. If that isn't good enough, they may have a fight on their hands.
I need to look it up, but I'm almost positive requiring him to run around and get papers from places that aren't even involved with our lives or our school is crossing boundaries they have no right to cross.
I know they're trying to make sure their butts are covered concerning child labor laws, but him being homeschooled isn't something the public school has any say in. The public school isn't involved at all. I should not have to get papers from the public school, period. Our private school was established years ago.
We have our own seal, school colors, letterhead, diplomas, transcripts, etc. I can school other peoples' children, because I am a private school.
In three months it will also be a moot point. He turns 17 and will no longer be under compulsory attendance regulations. They waited 4 months. They couldn't wait 3 more?
I'm going in there either today or tomorrow to talk to management to clear this up, especially since he isn't allowed to work until I do. He is upset. None of the public school kids are being hassled about working during school hours.
Technically, he has the minimum credits required to graduate in this state. However, I don't feel it's enough, especially for entrance into college. Hopefully, we can come to an agreement, because I don't want to have to graduate him in order for him to work. He needs this job to help pay for college.
First they wanted a letter saying he was homeschooled. No problem. 4 months later, they decide it's not good enough. Now they need a letter stating his school hours. Okay, fine. I can understand that due to child labor laws. I sent the letter in yesterday.
My son came home and said it wasn't good enough. They need a letter from the high school or something saying he isn't enrolled there. He didn't understand it, and the two managers couldn't seem to get it straight. My first thought was, The public school? We have nothing to do with them.
Does McDonalds think I'm lying?
What kind of parent do they think I am?
Do they think I'd let my child skip school to work?
After thinking about it, I realized that I should've come at it from our private school perspective from the beginning. Last night I drafted a letter, with the school letterhead, and it will be embossed with our school seal. If that isn't good enough, they may have a fight on their hands.
I need to look it up, but I'm almost positive requiring him to run around and get papers from places that aren't even involved with our lives or our school is crossing boundaries they have no right to cross.
I know they're trying to make sure their butts are covered concerning child labor laws, but him being homeschooled isn't something the public school has any say in. The public school isn't involved at all. I should not have to get papers from the public school, period. Our private school was established years ago.
We have our own seal, school colors, letterhead, diplomas, transcripts, etc. I can school other peoples' children, because I am a private school.
In three months it will also be a moot point. He turns 17 and will no longer be under compulsory attendance regulations. They waited 4 months. They couldn't wait 3 more?
I'm going in there either today or tomorrow to talk to management to clear this up, especially since he isn't allowed to work until I do. He is upset. None of the public school kids are being hassled about working during school hours.
Technically, he has the minimum credits required to graduate in this state. However, I don't feel it's enough, especially for entrance into college. Hopefully, we can come to an agreement, because I don't want to have to graduate him in order for him to work. He needs this job to help pay for college.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Clarification
I think I should clarify one thing:
I don't hate my husband. I don't like what he's done. I don't like the way he's treated us. I don't like his selfishness. But I don't hate him.
I don't want to "take him to the cleaners". I just want my children and myself provided for. I don't want to put him into the poor house. I don't want to take the kids away from their father.
Our state doesn't have a mandatory separation law. We can live under the same roof until the divorce is final. I don't know if that will work or not. Right now, there isn't a spare room for either of us to use.
I'm praying to keep everything civil, but he is the unknown factor. He will either take it well and move, on or he will go in the opposite direction and fight me every step of the way.
I'm praying he does the former.
I don't hate my husband. I don't like what he's done. I don't like the way he's treated us. I don't like his selfishness. But I don't hate him.
I don't want to "take him to the cleaners". I just want my children and myself provided for. I don't want to put him into the poor house. I don't want to take the kids away from their father.
Our state doesn't have a mandatory separation law. We can live under the same roof until the divorce is final. I don't know if that will work or not. Right now, there isn't a spare room for either of us to use.
I'm praying to keep everything civil, but he is the unknown factor. He will either take it well and move, on or he will go in the opposite direction and fight me every step of the way.
I'm praying he does the former.
Ovewhelmed
I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Everything I need to do keeps ganging up on my brain like a bunch of zombies at a banquet, and I can't get myself to focus on just one thing. There is just so much that has to be done and so much that I want to do. Today, so far, I've gone to take something out for dinner three times and forgot each time.
I have to declutter the house as much as possible. I need to find a source of income. I know I keep harping on that point, but I did previously mention I have a thing about finances. I want to lose weight and start exercising again. Actually, I kind of need to do the latter. My legs hurt when I gain too much weight, and they are hurting.
I need to figure out the bills, I need to go back to the "miserly" ways I used to have, because I definitely won't have money to play around with. I want the paper I need to get here, so the taxes can be done. I want to get on with this.
To top it all off, my eldest just told me she is pregnant again. Our family is the only one that knows right now. She and her husband haven't told his side yet, so I can't say anything to anyone other than here. That is now three grandchildren I'm going to leave behind. :(
I feel like I'm in limbo. I want to get everything done, yet when I think of everything I need to get done my brain says, "Screw you, woman." I used to make lists to help me focus, but I can't exactly leave that type of list laying around the house. I do have a tablet, so maybe I'll use it.
I need to focus on something or nothing will be done.
I have to declutter the house as much as possible. I need to find a source of income. I know I keep harping on that point, but I did previously mention I have a thing about finances. I want to lose weight and start exercising again. Actually, I kind of need to do the latter. My legs hurt when I gain too much weight, and they are hurting.
I need to figure out the bills, I need to go back to the "miserly" ways I used to have, because I definitely won't have money to play around with. I want the paper I need to get here, so the taxes can be done. I want to get on with this.
To top it all off, my eldest just told me she is pregnant again. Our family is the only one that knows right now. She and her husband haven't told his side yet, so I can't say anything to anyone other than here. That is now three grandchildren I'm going to leave behind. :(
I feel like I'm in limbo. I want to get everything done, yet when I think of everything I need to get done my brain says, "Screw you, woman." I used to make lists to help me focus, but I can't exactly leave that type of list laying around the house. I do have a tablet, so maybe I'll use it.
I need to focus on something or nothing will be done.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
We started working on the basement yesterday. To do this while my husband is in the house was a big mistake. We have computer games that work on Windows 98. None of our computers are Win 98. They were programs that we'd forgotten about, updated or no one would use. I decided to throw them away.
My husband came down to see what we were doing. Within 3 minutes he had a few of the CDs pulled out of the trash saying they were fine. He became a bit upset that I was throwing away "perfectly good pc games and programs". He insisted that there are things one can do to run older PC CDs. I told him I didn't care. No one had touched them for years. We didn't need them, and they were just taking up space.
He started having a minor fit, so I called a halt to cleaning the basement figuring the kids and I would restart Monday when he wasn't around. I knew there was a big box of programs that he didn't know about. If there is anything I know he would really want to keep, I'll set it aside. It would just be less stressful if I didn't have to fight to throw out each item.
Unfortunately, my head is starting to pound and my throat is itchy. It looks like I'm catching the flu bug several in the family currently have. I guess we'll see how we all feel on Monday, but I'm determined to get even just one box cleared.
My husband came down to see what we were doing. Within 3 minutes he had a few of the CDs pulled out of the trash saying they were fine. He became a bit upset that I was throwing away "perfectly good pc games and programs". He insisted that there are things one can do to run older PC CDs. I told him I didn't care. No one had touched them for years. We didn't need them, and they were just taking up space.
He started having a minor fit, so I called a halt to cleaning the basement figuring the kids and I would restart Monday when he wasn't around. I knew there was a big box of programs that he didn't know about. If there is anything I know he would really want to keep, I'll set it aside. It would just be less stressful if I didn't have to fight to throw out each item.
Unfortunately, my head is starting to pound and my throat is itchy. It looks like I'm catching the flu bug several in the family currently have. I guess we'll see how we all feel on Monday, but I'm determined to get even just one box cleared.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Going to Try
I mentioned to my youngest daughter that I may try to set up a place in the basement for sewing/crocheting. She volunteered to help with sewing costumes. She has made several for anime conventions. Her geisha kimono won her a prize in a competition. I also need to think of a name for it, so we can build an Etsy site and Ebay account.
I'm not sure how well this will work, but the only way to find out is to try.
I'm not sure how well this will work, but the only way to find out is to try.
Lost a Friend
I had a good friend. One I could talk to about anything. Surprisingly, this friend was male. I never really thought I could have a best friend that was a guy. Especially when I factor in things from my past, but we seemed to get on well. We've been very good friends for years.
Then it just - stopped.
I don't know what happened. I don't know if I did or said something. We went from talking all the time to absolutely nothing. After trying repeatedly to get him to tell me what is going on, I've given up. He won't respond. I know he's around, because we play the same online game.
I wish he'd tell me what's going on, but that's obviously not going to happen. So, on top of everything else, I now get to deal with this loss. I don't think it could've come at a worse time. :(
Then it just - stopped.
I don't know what happened. I don't know if I did or said something. We went from talking all the time to absolutely nothing. After trying repeatedly to get him to tell me what is going on, I've given up. He won't respond. I know he's around, because we play the same online game.
I wish he'd tell me what's going on, but that's obviously not going to happen. So, on top of everything else, I now get to deal with this loss. I don't think it could've come at a worse time. :(
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Children
Today I keep thinking about my children, and I can't help but compare my relationship with them to our relationship with God.
It was so much easier when my children were young, though I didn't know it at the time. I set the rules. They followed the rules - most of the time. If not, they were punished. Pretty basic stuff. I always thought that when they grew up my job was done. They went out, lived their lives and I would live mine.
Now they're almost all adults, and I've discovered it's a lot harder. I've had to let go. I have to stand by and watch them make their own choices - good or bad. I can tell them to stop. I can warn them. I can advise them. But whether or not they listen is another story. They are adults. They choose what they do, and there is nothing I can really do about it.
It's very hard to watch a "child" turn her back on her family. It's hard watching a "child" make a choice you know they will regret. It's hard watching them make mistakes with their own children; mistakes you know will have negative effects. It's part of their growing up and part of our being their parent.
Is what we feel, as parents, the same as what God feels? Does He feel the parental heartbreak as a child of His makes a devastating choice? Does He feel intense sadness as a child turns her back on Him? Does he cry when His child fails or rejoice when they succeed? I think he does. We are made in his image, so we must have the same emotions He does.
I think being a parent is a special insight on what God feels for us. He is our Father. He has laid down the rules. He has given us His advice. Now He has to stand back and watch as we make our choices the same way we have to stand back and watch our own children.
Sometimes I wonder if He wishes we were "little" again.
It was so much easier when my children were young, though I didn't know it at the time. I set the rules. They followed the rules - most of the time. If not, they were punished. Pretty basic stuff. I always thought that when they grew up my job was done. They went out, lived their lives and I would live mine.
Now they're almost all adults, and I've discovered it's a lot harder. I've had to let go. I have to stand by and watch them make their own choices - good or bad. I can tell them to stop. I can warn them. I can advise them. But whether or not they listen is another story. They are adults. They choose what they do, and there is nothing I can really do about it.
It's very hard to watch a "child" turn her back on her family. It's hard watching a "child" make a choice you know they will regret. It's hard watching them make mistakes with their own children; mistakes you know will have negative effects. It's part of their growing up and part of our being their parent.
Is what we feel, as parents, the same as what God feels? Does He feel the parental heartbreak as a child of His makes a devastating choice? Does He feel intense sadness as a child turns her back on Him? Does he cry when His child fails or rejoice when they succeed? I think he does. We are made in his image, so we must have the same emotions He does.
I think being a parent is a special insight on what God feels for us. He is our Father. He has laid down the rules. He has given us His advice. Now He has to stand back and watch as we make our choices the same way we have to stand back and watch our own children.
Sometimes I wonder if He wishes we were "little" again.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Income
According to my lawyer, it would be in my best interests to get a job that pays minimum wage or not get one at all until the divorce is final. The more I earn, the less support I get. If something happens that undercuts my ability to work, I will be financially in trouble.
The other point he made is that support will only be good until my husband hits 65. He is older than I am. My support would be cut off, and I will be on my own. He has retirement pay from two government jobs. One is in effect now. The other will take effect at 65. I am only entitled to half of the first one. I have no other retirement income, and I'm running out of time to get it.
The bottom line: I need all I can get now to prepare for when I lose it.
The other problem is this house. It is highly doubtful that I will be able to continue renovating it. The upkeep is costly. The kids and I are fully aware that we will have to sell. If we can sell it. It isn't in very good shape, and a flipper isn't going to want to pay what we owe.
Other than moving away from my grandsons, this idea doesn't bother me much. We've been investigating various areas. We have narrowed them down to 3 states: NC, VA and TX. We all want to go south. Like now. Okay, more like 9 years ago.
The first year here was, "Yay! Snow! Look at all the snow! We have a white Christmas!"
The second year was, "Oh crap, it's snowing again. Kids, get the snow shovels." That was always followed by major objections and whining by the kids. Okay, some of it may have been mine. All right, a lot of it may have been mine.
*kicks the rabbit off the trail*
My concern with getting a job is that I won't be around the house to watch what happens. I do not want to be at work, come home, find that the kids' dad took my stuff or whatever, and the kids got stuck in the middle of it. I do NOT want to put them in that position.
My only option, that I can see, is to do something from home - for now.
I could do childcare, but my house would never pass the state's inspection. I'd have to limit it to two children to avoid having to be licensed. It's not that it's dangerous. The water stain on the living room ceiling is enough to fail, even though the roof was replaced several years ago. I've done childcare in the past, and both times I've had waiting lists. I guess I was doing something right. :)
(sidenote: I first wrote "I've done children in the past...", realized it could be misconstrued and changed it. Hey, I'm not taking any chances.)
I also don't have a room I can dedicate to it right now. Once the bedroom upstairs is done, I can play Ring Around the Bedrooms and clear the one down here out for the computers. I checked Craigslist and there are 4 other homes in my town trying to do childcare. Two are charging below "market value". Not a good sign.
I could be a "private preschool" and advertise myself as a Christian/Messianic preschool. I do have the Horizon curriculum, an extra "kid" computer, and lots of craft supplies. Stored in one of the upstairs bedrooms are boxes of preschool items. Again though - room to do it is an issue.
My writing is not the caliber certain websites require to try to generate income. Honestly, I don't even know what I'd write about. Divorce? Weight loss? That one is hard. I keep finding it instead. Trying to adjust to a (an?) MSG Free lifestyle?
The final choice: crocheting, the knitting machine and sewing. I'm still mulling that idea over. I don't have room to set up my machines. I can find room if I completely declutter the basement. Fabric is so expensive that I'm not even sure it would be worth trying. I know my youngest DD would help. She likes to sew. Animal hair is a problem, because of Jonah (Boxer) and Dillinger (Garfield cat).
I have things I can sell like old curriculum, clothes, patterns I'll never use, etc. I could sell my violins, but I don't want to. I want to play again, but I need a teacher to help me get back to where I was when I stopped. If I got back to that point in a decent amount of time (iow - practice for hours which gets me yelled at) I could do beginner violin lessons.
A home-based business would be great. (Not like Tupperware. BTDT.) It could move with me. I could set my own hours. With my youngest being 16, I don't have to worry about being interrupted very much.
I have been praying about which direction to go, but nothing is coming to me. I'm running out of time. I need to decide soon.
The other point he made is that support will only be good until my husband hits 65. He is older than I am. My support would be cut off, and I will be on my own. He has retirement pay from two government jobs. One is in effect now. The other will take effect at 65. I am only entitled to half of the first one. I have no other retirement income, and I'm running out of time to get it.
The bottom line: I need all I can get now to prepare for when I lose it.
The other problem is this house. It is highly doubtful that I will be able to continue renovating it. The upkeep is costly. The kids and I are fully aware that we will have to sell. If we can sell it. It isn't in very good shape, and a flipper isn't going to want to pay what we owe.
Other than moving away from my grandsons, this idea doesn't bother me much. We've been investigating various areas. We have narrowed them down to 3 states: NC, VA and TX. We all want to go south. Like now. Okay, more like 9 years ago.
The first year here was, "Yay! Snow! Look at all the snow! We have a white Christmas!"
The second year was, "Oh crap, it's snowing again. Kids, get the snow shovels." That was always followed by major objections and whining by the kids. Okay, some of it may have been mine. All right, a lot of it may have been mine.
*kicks the rabbit off the trail*
My concern with getting a job is that I won't be around the house to watch what happens. I do not want to be at work, come home, find that the kids' dad took my stuff or whatever, and the kids got stuck in the middle of it. I do NOT want to put them in that position.
My only option, that I can see, is to do something from home - for now.
I could do childcare, but my house would never pass the state's inspection. I'd have to limit it to two children to avoid having to be licensed. It's not that it's dangerous. The water stain on the living room ceiling is enough to fail, even though the roof was replaced several years ago. I've done childcare in the past, and both times I've had waiting lists. I guess I was doing something right. :)
(sidenote: I first wrote "I've done children in the past...", realized it could be misconstrued and changed it. Hey, I'm not taking any chances.)
I also don't have a room I can dedicate to it right now. Once the bedroom upstairs is done, I can play Ring Around the Bedrooms and clear the one down here out for the computers. I checked Craigslist and there are 4 other homes in my town trying to do childcare. Two are charging below "market value". Not a good sign.
I could be a "private preschool" and advertise myself as a Christian/Messianic preschool. I do have the Horizon curriculum, an extra "kid" computer, and lots of craft supplies. Stored in one of the upstairs bedrooms are boxes of preschool items. Again though - room to do it is an issue.
My writing is not the caliber certain websites require to try to generate income. Honestly, I don't even know what I'd write about. Divorce? Weight loss? That one is hard. I keep finding it instead. Trying to adjust to a (an?) MSG Free lifestyle?
The final choice: crocheting, the knitting machine and sewing. I'm still mulling that idea over. I don't have room to set up my machines. I can find room if I completely declutter the basement. Fabric is so expensive that I'm not even sure it would be worth trying. I know my youngest DD would help. She likes to sew. Animal hair is a problem, because of Jonah (Boxer) and Dillinger (Garfield cat).
I have things I can sell like old curriculum, clothes, patterns I'll never use, etc. I could sell my violins, but I don't want to. I want to play again, but I need a teacher to help me get back to where I was when I stopped. If I got back to that point in a decent amount of time (iow - practice for hours which gets me yelled at) I could do beginner violin lessons.
A home-based business would be great. (Not like Tupperware. BTDT.) It could move with me. I could set my own hours. With my youngest being 16, I don't have to worry about being interrupted very much.
I have been praying about which direction to go, but nothing is coming to me. I'm running out of time. I need to decide soon.
Randomness
The other night, while I was preparing dinner, my youngest daughter (22) came into the kitchen. She stood on the opposite side of the island for about 15 seconds. Reaching out her hand, she gave the package of ground beef two quick jabs. Turning, she skipped down the basement stairs to her room singing, "I poked it! I poked it!"
I'm thinking this girl needs to get out of the house more.
I'm thinking this girl needs to get out of the house more.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Divorce ~ the Beginning
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
How many times have we been asked that question? My answer was always "a nurse and mom" or "a teacher and mom". I was always either nursing my baby dolls or teaching them. I had high expectations of finding Mr. Right, getting married, having a ton of kids and growing old together with the love of my life. Marriage was forever. I wouldn't end up a "statistic". My marriage would not fail despite starting for all the wrong reasons.
Never did I expect my future to be "a divorced, single mom and not have any marketable skills that I'm aware of". Yet that is where I am going to find myself.
I never expected bad things to happen to me while growing up. I never expected to be forced into marriage, because I was pregnant. I never expected my husband to be the way he is. I never expected to not go back to school. I never expected to be so far in debt. So many things I never expected, yet now I have to deal with them all.
*insert massive tantrum that would put any toddler to shame*
Throughout the past 25+ years, I tried to fix things with my husband. I tried being the dutiful wife who is always obedient - after all, it was all my fault, right? Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I've repeatedly tried to talk to him. All I got were promises with no actions. He says what he needs to say to shut me up, then continues doing what he wants. In all honesty, my roll is the cook, nanny and housekeeper. If I don't "do my jobs", or do what he wants, then he gets back at me but that is a whole different post.
The last conversation we had about his behaviors ended in another promise to stop and my telling him that if he didn't stop we were done. Fast-forward 3 months: he is looking me in the eyes, smiling and lying to my face. Even the kids, who were present, knew it. The smile is what got to me as did him doing it in front of the kids.
The next day I began calling lawyers. Lawyer #1 never bothered to return my call. I waited a week then moved on. Lawyer #2 was a lawyer we'd used in a financial matter. No one in the practice could touch it, because they'd represented us both. It was a conflict of interest. Lawyer #3 had the nicest receptionist ever. We played phone tag for a week then finally talked.
He gave me an immediate free phone consultation. He was very nice, told me his experience with divorces, basic support figures I could expect, advised me on military retirement spousal rights, told me my rights filing on my own opposed to hiring a lawyer (which he highly recommended because of the military benefits and personal property), etc. He even offered to give me phone numbers of female lawyers if I was uncomfortable with a male. I was also informed that an uncontested divorce takes about 6 months. A contested one can take longer.
All this for the one-time low price of ...
* drum roll, please!*
...$3000.
That's if my husband doesn't fight it. If he fights it, I'm looking at $4000-$5000.
=:O
I think I was in shock for about an hour after hanging up. I have a thing about finances. I also have a thing about spending large amounts of money. I don't mind spending money on things like a good camera that I will never have to replace unless the zombie apocalypse happens, and they try to eat it. By then I'd have other things to worry about like keeping my brains intact. But $3000 on a divorce?
This is why we have friends who can give us a different perspective. I was asked, "How much would you pay to be happy? Would you be willing to pay $3-5k? Are you willing to risk losing the military things in order to save money? How much is $3000 compared to losing the retirement income you're entitled to, because you don't know the legal system?" All are good points.
If we didn't have the cars, the house or military retirement items to deal with I could just file myself for about $300-500. However, I need the medical and dental benefits. I need my share of the monthly retirement income. I want half of the retirement account, and I think I deserve it. The kids want to stay with me, so I need the house for now.
This is where all the fear and worry kicks in. I go back and forth about all the possibilities and things that can go wrong and off my brain goes. Yep, I can feel that cortisol heaping up in my stomach area as I type.
Had things gone according to my initial plan, I would be single now. But I called my mom to let her know what I was planning. I should have done that after I filed. My mom is not in good health. Every year she's here is one more year I'm thankful.
She begged me to "not ruin the kids holidays". I tried telling her the kids already knew. She became more and more upset. So, in order to calm my mom, I promised to wait until Christmas was over. The bible does say to honor your mother and father, and that was also part of the reason I agreed. My mom is smart. She knows that was a one time deal.
I called the lawyer to inform him, and he said, "If you can tolerate it, I'd wait until the taxes are filed. You'll have an accurate and recent accounting to take to the judge." Really? Oy. It does make sense, so that is where I am right now. I'm waiting for the taxes to be filed and the end of the year statement from retirement savings.
I know my husband thinks he's gotten away with it. I also know he doesn't think I'll divorce him. Am I scared? You bet your sweet Aunt Cookie I am. I'm also afraid of his reaction. However, I'm tired. I'm stressed. As a result of the situation, the kids are stressed. I'm so far beyond done. I want it over. I want to move on with my life.
So, back I go to waiting...
How many times have we been asked that question? My answer was always "a nurse and mom" or "a teacher and mom". I was always either nursing my baby dolls or teaching them. I had high expectations of finding Mr. Right, getting married, having a ton of kids and growing old together with the love of my life. Marriage was forever. I wouldn't end up a "statistic". My marriage would not fail despite starting for all the wrong reasons.
Never did I expect my future to be "a divorced, single mom and not have any marketable skills that I'm aware of". Yet that is where I am going to find myself.
I never expected bad things to happen to me while growing up. I never expected to be forced into marriage, because I was pregnant. I never expected my husband to be the way he is. I never expected to not go back to school. I never expected to be so far in debt. So many things I never expected, yet now I have to deal with them all.
*insert massive tantrum that would put any toddler to shame*
Throughout the past 25+ years, I tried to fix things with my husband. I tried being the dutiful wife who is always obedient - after all, it was all my fault, right? Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I've repeatedly tried to talk to him. All I got were promises with no actions. He says what he needs to say to shut me up, then continues doing what he wants. In all honesty, my roll is the cook, nanny and housekeeper. If I don't "do my jobs", or do what he wants, then he gets back at me but that is a whole different post.
The last conversation we had about his behaviors ended in another promise to stop and my telling him that if he didn't stop we were done. Fast-forward 3 months: he is looking me in the eyes, smiling and lying to my face. Even the kids, who were present, knew it. The smile is what got to me as did him doing it in front of the kids.
The next day I began calling lawyers. Lawyer #1 never bothered to return my call. I waited a week then moved on. Lawyer #2 was a lawyer we'd used in a financial matter. No one in the practice could touch it, because they'd represented us both. It was a conflict of interest. Lawyer #3 had the nicest receptionist ever. We played phone tag for a week then finally talked.
He gave me an immediate free phone consultation. He was very nice, told me his experience with divorces, basic support figures I could expect, advised me on military retirement spousal rights, told me my rights filing on my own opposed to hiring a lawyer (which he highly recommended because of the military benefits and personal property), etc. He even offered to give me phone numbers of female lawyers if I was uncomfortable with a male. I was also informed that an uncontested divorce takes about 6 months. A contested one can take longer.
All this for the one-time low price of ...
* drum roll, please!*
...$3000.
That's if my husband doesn't fight it. If he fights it, I'm looking at $4000-$5000.
=:O
I think I was in shock for about an hour after hanging up. I have a thing about finances. I also have a thing about spending large amounts of money. I don't mind spending money on things like a good camera that I will never have to replace unless the zombie apocalypse happens, and they try to eat it. By then I'd have other things to worry about like keeping my brains intact. But $3000 on a divorce?
This is why we have friends who can give us a different perspective. I was asked, "How much would you pay to be happy? Would you be willing to pay $3-5k? Are you willing to risk losing the military things in order to save money? How much is $3000 compared to losing the retirement income you're entitled to, because you don't know the legal system?" All are good points.
If we didn't have the cars, the house or military retirement items to deal with I could just file myself for about $300-500. However, I need the medical and dental benefits. I need my share of the monthly retirement income. I want half of the retirement account, and I think I deserve it. The kids want to stay with me, so I need the house for now.
This is where all the fear and worry kicks in. I go back and forth about all the possibilities and things that can go wrong and off my brain goes. Yep, I can feel that cortisol heaping up in my stomach area as I type.
Had things gone according to my initial plan, I would be single now. But I called my mom to let her know what I was planning. I should have done that after I filed. My mom is not in good health. Every year she's here is one more year I'm thankful.
She begged me to "not ruin the kids holidays". I tried telling her the kids already knew. She became more and more upset. So, in order to calm my mom, I promised to wait until Christmas was over. The bible does say to honor your mother and father, and that was also part of the reason I agreed. My mom is smart. She knows that was a one time deal.
I called the lawyer to inform him, and he said, "If you can tolerate it, I'd wait until the taxes are filed. You'll have an accurate and recent accounting to take to the judge." Really? Oy. It does make sense, so that is where I am right now. I'm waiting for the taxes to be filed and the end of the year statement from retirement savings.
I know my husband thinks he's gotten away with it. I also know he doesn't think I'll divorce him. Am I scared? You bet your sweet Aunt Cookie I am. I'm also afraid of his reaction. However, I'm tired. I'm stressed. As a result of the situation, the kids are stressed. I'm so far beyond done. I want it over. I want to move on with my life.
So, back I go to waiting...
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